Vol 43 I Am

Six weeks ago, in Vol 32, I wrote about my fears. The little negative voices that creep into my head when I’m not paying attention and I asked “What happens when you reveal your fears to everyone you know?” I’ll tell you what happens. Good things. Positive, growing things. I got a lot of responses to that post, but no one except Dorothy left it as a comment on the blog for others to read. Even though I was very public, the replies were private, which I found interesting. Anyway, good things have happened to me since then. All the ideas and theories I’ve had floating around in my head for years seem to be falling into place and starting to make sense. I feel like I am coming into my own. My own place of love, power and fulfillment. I think I finally get this whole life thing. And this whole relationship thing.

So, what have I learned about life and love?

• I have learned that people will never cease to surprise and amaze me.
• I’ve learned that good things happen when I accept invitations.
• I’ve learned that when I am angry it is almost always because I am hurt.
• I’ve learned that I am good at a lot of things but that doesn’t mean I have to make a career of them.
• I’ve learned that there is no predetermined purpose for me. I’ve spent years waiting to find out what my purpose is. Now I believe my purpose is whatever I say it is. Today I say it’s to live my life in love and joy. To be inspired and inspiring. To sing and dance and laugh my way through life; learning all the while. And you know what? As I wrote that, I realized- I’m doing that. And it feels good. Today, it feels right.
• I believe happiness is available to me at all times. I just have to remember to choose it. And I’ve gotten pretty good at remembering that.
• I believe that love is available to me at all times. Because at 42 years old, I finally love myself. I adore me. Within myself I have found my dearest friend and my eternal beloved. And it feels good. And it feels right. And it’s contagious. The more I love myself, the more love I bring into my life and the lives of those around me.
• I have learned that in order to give to others I must first give to myself. Fill up, and then flow out.
• I’ve learned that love doesn’t come to you, it comes from you. The more I give it, the more I feel it. This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about love.
• I have learned that love is not enough in any relationship. I can love just about anybody. I can see their precious heart and love that. So I’ve learned to be more careful about who I choose to love. I have learnt to seek people who I am compatible with, and love them. I’m drawing to me people who augment my joy and learning. People who treat me with the same love and respect I treat myself and others with.
• I’ve learned that I’m responsible for my own joy. When my happiness has depended on another’s actions it has led to their eventual resentment and my disappointment. No one else can paint my picture, sing my song, write my story.
• In romance, I believe you must know and love yourself first. It’s important not to overlook the big stuff in the beginning (this is where I have gone wrong) and then not sweat the small stuff as you go along. Find out what you need in a partner then find one who enjoys giving you that. Make sure you also enjoy giving what he needs. If you are both actively trying to please each other on a daily basis, only good can come of it. In arguments, respond to the intention, not the words.
• I have learned that our thoughts shape our lives. That the power of positive or negative thinking is immense, though it may seem dorky at first. Focus on the good and you get more good. Focus on the bad and you get more bad. When I believed I was an ugly duckling, I was. When I believed men are disappointing, they were. When I believed no one would love me the way I longed to love someone, there was no one. When I believed I only ever have as much money as I need, that is exactly how much money I would have. When I believed there are limited resources in the world and for me to have abundance would mean someone else would go without, I would go without. I no longer believe those things. And they are no longer true. I have given myself permission to receive all of the good things I wish for everyone.
• I believe I can have anything I can imagine.
• I have learned that I am not as greedy as I thought I was, because most of the things I want have to do with love, beauty and experiencing more joy and adventure. Not overtly material things. Of course, there are exceptions. I want a red Audi TT coupe.
• I believe that statements I make about myself, whether positive or negative become true or truer. I am a good person. I am smart. I am fat. I am a bad driver. I can’t do it. I can do it. Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right.
• I believe I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy. And I am. And I believe you are too. Magnificent. Beautiful.
• I know that I will continue to learn and grow.
• I greet each day with happiness and gratitude. With my arms wide open.

Vol 42 Jessica and Noel

My friend Jessica married my ex-husband's brother a couple of weeks ago. If you know me, you probably know one or both of them. To see their beautiful wedding photos follow this link:

Jessica and Noel's Wedding Photos

I tried like heck to get a plane ticket to surprise them, but was not able to. So I sent this video to them instead. I filmed it with a couple of my friends. First up manning the camera is my friend Khaldoun, from Syria. If you watch, you'll see Firas wander by, on the phone. The bar scene is filmed by Mahfoodh (who never goes to bars). In the final scene I have the camera propped up on boxes on my desk. I'm posting the video here for those of you who miss seeing me. Several of you have complained that I am always behind the camera. This one's all me. Sorry the song's so long....

Vol 40.5 Missing video from the Abu Dhabi post

Vol 41 Cat and Rustaq

Monday, August 13^th. I was at the Hyatt a couple of weeks ago with Firas, Khaldoun and a dentist from another clinic named Muhin. I was watching the singer and her pianist while the guys chatted in Arabic. I kept thinking “I could do that”. At one point, while she was singing an Eric Clapton, song I heard her say “beers in heaven” instead of “tears in heaven”. I repeated it to my table and saw her smile at me. During her break she came over and said “I can’t believe you heard that!” Her name is Cat, she’s from South Africa and she’s very friendly; she joined our table for a while. Then her pianist joined us and she wandered off. He’s from Brazil. They met in Bangkok and it’s the first time they’ve worked together. She got the job offer here and then contacted him to see if he would join her.

Khaldoun and Firas tried me to get me to sing a song with him but I told them it wasn’t cool- it’s her gig. Really I was just shy. I don’t like performing without rehearsing.

I went back last weekend to ask them if I could sing a song with him to record for the video I was making for my friend Jessica’s wedding. But they had already left, it was their early night off.

Tonight I was at Second Cup with Mahfoodh when he got his first ever video call from his fiancé in England. He told me it wouldn’t be long. But it was long and though I got bored waiting for him, I didn’t want him to end the call because I know how cool those Messenger video calls are when you haven’t seen someone in a while. I had an inspiration to go to the Hyatt in hopes the singer would talk to me and I could ask her about her job. I waved goodbye to Mahfoodh and was off.

When I got there they were just singing the last song before her break. She waved as I came in. I sat facing them and ordered a drink. As I had hoped, she got a cup of tea and came to sit with me. She is sooooo friendly. Really nice. In no time she was telling me all about her music business history. Then she offered me her song list and her agents name, told me what the job pays and the perks that come with it and told me what I would need to get started in the biz. I'm not saying my next career will be a lounge singer, but I am giving it some thought. I do love to sing. And travel. And it pays well. I was happy and grateful that Cat was so open about how it all works. To top it all off she invited me to go with her and her fiancé and his 18 year old daughter from Sweden to the Grand Mosque in the morning. I have been wanting to go to the Grand Mosque since I got here, but non-muslims can only go at limited times. It is the only mosque in the country that women can enter. In other Muslim countries it is pretty much always a no-no, I think. And I never refuse an invitation…… so I’m looking forward to her call in the morning.

Tuesday, August 14^th. Cat called this morning and we headed off to the Grand Mosque only to find it closed to visitors for renovations. Apparently it suffered damage in the flooding and they have not finished repairing it all.

Not to be deterred, we piled back into the car and headed to Rustaq, about an hour and a half from Muscat to see the fort there. Which means more fort photos for you.

This is the actual entrance to the fort. It's possible for the full door to open but they have it padlocked so you have to enter through this Alice-in-Wonderland sized door. Once inside there is an Omani dude to collect the entrance fee. We watched as an elderly man and woman made their way through the teeney-tiny door. No help from the dude. I was thinking "My Mom would not like this".

More staircase photos. I don't know why I have a thing for staircases when I get in these forts.
This is Cat.

This is another example of an open falaj. As I've mentioned before aflaj, (aflaj, plural or falaj, singular), are the main system of irrigation water distribution. There are around 11,000 falaj in Oman. Man-made underground tunnels branch off from a 65-200 foot deep mother well. Some of them are thousand of years old. Water flow depends on the gravity gradient along the tunnel starting from the mother well and for tens of kilometers long. Drinking water is collected first, then water for bathing, then further along, open channels branch off from the tunnels to irrigate gardens. And it's all free. The water is directed to the gardens in turns.

This is an access point for an underground tunnel.

By the way- I’m growing weary of fielding the question “Are you and Mahfoodh sleeping together?” For the record: no, definitely not. Never have. Never will. As I’ve said in the blog, we are friends.

Vol 40 Abu Dhabi

I took a day off and drove to Abu Dhabi to meet my friend Brian, from Seattle, who was there on business. Got a bit of a late start when half an hour into the trip I realized I had forgotten my passport and road pass at home. A classic retarded Susan move which was quickly remedied by turning back.

No Mahfoodh with me this time which made the 5 hours of driving a bit tedious and the navigating a bit worrying. The highway that cuts across Oman and the UAE is different from the highway to Dubai. As with all trips west you must drive through the Hajar Mountains. Route 7, which took me through the mountains was narrow, winding and beautiful.

Then I had to go through the border post. Again it was 3 or 4 stops but quick and easy.

After crossing the border into the UAE the first city is Al Ain, the second largest city in Abu Dhabi Emirate. It looks to be quite a nice small city but I had no time to explore it as I was trying to reach Abu Dhabi around the same time Brian finished his business. There is a temperature gauge in the company SUV that I was driving and the temperature for this road trip up until Al Ain was around 47-48 degrees Celsius. Or 118 Fahrenheit. But after Al Ain I headed into desert dune country. And boy did it get hot. Even though the sun was not shining on it I couldn’t rest my arm against the car window- it was too hot. The hottest temperature I recorded was when I stopped for gas in the middle of the desert. It was 55 degrees. That’s 129! I got out to pee and I was pretty sure I was gonna die if I didn’t get back in the air conditioned car within 2 minutes or so.

I couldn’t get any good photos of the dunes because the roads have been lined with palm trees in an effort to beautify the landscape. I would have gotten out and walked beyond the palms to get a photo but again, I was pretty sure I would have died.

Then on to Abu Dhabi. It’s quite a modern city compared with Muscat. Both Abu Dhabi and Dubai are trying to attract visitors with magnificent hotels, museums, attractions etc. Muscat is not. Abu Dhabi and Dubai are all about architecturally interesting skyscrapers. Muscat is not. There are some older skyscrapers in the central business district of Muscat but they are pretty short and boring. In Muscat there is a shwarma stand on every corner. I didn’t see any in Abu Dhabi. It just feels like any other large city in the world. Except for the heat. And the humidity. It was definitely more humid than Muscat, too.

This last photo was taken with humidity on the lens.

Brian and I went out for a bit of shopping, then dinner and coffee.

We dined at the Palace Hotel, which has been appropriately named. This is a tiny glimpse of it's splendor.

The next day we went to the IKEA so I could pick up a few items I couldn’t get in Dubai last week. The IKEA is located in a large mall where I was able to find one pair of shoes to buy. Things are looking up in shoeland. Although these ones are not as practical as I would like, they are super cute Kenneth Coles.

The shoes from Dubai.

The shoes from Abu Dhabi. Pretend you care.

Then more shopping and dinner. Then I drove him to the airport and headed home.

This is Brian.

Regarding Brian. He reads this blog and so must know I am very open about my activities and feelings. Though I want to protect his privacy as best I can, I will say this: I have always considered myself to be a powerful manifestor but have come to understand that I, like most of us, put limitations on how much I allow myself to manifest. In recent years I have been working to break these patterns. I work on it and myself for a bit then I sort of take a break, allowing what I’ve learned to settle into my life. So meeting Brian last year was an excellent opportunity for me to affirm that the kind of man I am looking for exists. And I’ll admit that this trip to Abu Dhabi was for me, a check-in with him. Was he potentially the man for me? Well it appears the answer is no. He is seeing someone back home whom he seems to fancy quite a bit and he would not really even look me in the eye. And so, I’ll also admit that I had a little cry while driving home last night- a brief moment of grief. But I turned it around fairly quickly. I only want the best for everyone and so I am happy for him if he’s happy. Romance aside; he is still the kind of person I’m trying to attract into my life. A blend of kindness, humor, adventure, spirituality, naughtiness and love and so I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to hang out with him. He’s good company, even when exhausted from traveling and distracted by thoughts of returning home.

Anyway, I think it’s time for another growth spurt. Time to put into action some of the theories I’ve been spouting for years to other women and some of the theories that have been rattling around in my head for a while. I’m excited about it, I really am. The world is my oyster. I can have anything I can imagine and I’m getting ready to place my order. With arms wide open.

Feel yourself being quietly drawn by the deeper pull of what you truly love- Rumi

Another video for your viewing pleasure:

Whoops! Apparently I am experiencing technical difficulties. I got an error message when I tried to upload my video here. I have contacted blogspot as they requested and will post the video when and if I'm able. Bummer.