Vol 43 I Am

Six weeks ago, in Vol 32, I wrote about my fears. The little negative voices that creep into my head when I’m not paying attention and I asked “What happens when you reveal your fears to everyone you know?” I’ll tell you what happens. Good things. Positive, growing things. I got a lot of responses to that post, but no one except Dorothy left it as a comment on the blog for others to read. Even though I was very public, the replies were private, which I found interesting. Anyway, good things have happened to me since then. All the ideas and theories I’ve had floating around in my head for years seem to be falling into place and starting to make sense. I feel like I am coming into my own. My own place of love, power and fulfillment. I think I finally get this whole life thing. And this whole relationship thing.

So, what have I learned about life and love?

• I have learned that people will never cease to surprise and amaze me.
• I’ve learned that good things happen when I accept invitations.
• I’ve learned that when I am angry it is almost always because I am hurt.
• I’ve learned that I am good at a lot of things but that doesn’t mean I have to make a career of them.
• I’ve learned that there is no predetermined purpose for me. I’ve spent years waiting to find out what my purpose is. Now I believe my purpose is whatever I say it is. Today I say it’s to live my life in love and joy. To be inspired and inspiring. To sing and dance and laugh my way through life; learning all the while. And you know what? As I wrote that, I realized- I’m doing that. And it feels good. Today, it feels right.
• I believe happiness is available to me at all times. I just have to remember to choose it. And I’ve gotten pretty good at remembering that.
• I believe that love is available to me at all times. Because at 42 years old, I finally love myself. I adore me. Within myself I have found my dearest friend and my eternal beloved. And it feels good. And it feels right. And it’s contagious. The more I love myself, the more love I bring into my life and the lives of those around me.
• I have learned that in order to give to others I must first give to myself. Fill up, and then flow out.
• I’ve learned that love doesn’t come to you, it comes from you. The more I give it, the more I feel it. This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about love.
• I have learned that love is not enough in any relationship. I can love just about anybody. I can see their precious heart and love that. So I’ve learned to be more careful about who I choose to love. I have learnt to seek people who I am compatible with, and love them. I’m drawing to me people who augment my joy and learning. People who treat me with the same love and respect I treat myself and others with.
• I’ve learned that I’m responsible for my own joy. When my happiness has depended on another’s actions it has led to their eventual resentment and my disappointment. No one else can paint my picture, sing my song, write my story.
• In romance, I believe you must know and love yourself first. It’s important not to overlook the big stuff in the beginning (this is where I have gone wrong) and then not sweat the small stuff as you go along. Find out what you need in a partner then find one who enjoys giving you that. Make sure you also enjoy giving what he needs. If you are both actively trying to please each other on a daily basis, only good can come of it. In arguments, respond to the intention, not the words.
• I have learned that our thoughts shape our lives. That the power of positive or negative thinking is immense, though it may seem dorky at first. Focus on the good and you get more good. Focus on the bad and you get more bad. When I believed I was an ugly duckling, I was. When I believed men are disappointing, they were. When I believed no one would love me the way I longed to love someone, there was no one. When I believed I only ever have as much money as I need, that is exactly how much money I would have. When I believed there are limited resources in the world and for me to have abundance would mean someone else would go without, I would go without. I no longer believe those things. And they are no longer true. I have given myself permission to receive all of the good things I wish for everyone.
• I believe I can have anything I can imagine.
• I have learned that I am not as greedy as I thought I was, because most of the things I want have to do with love, beauty and experiencing more joy and adventure. Not overtly material things. Of course, there are exceptions. I want a red Audi TT coupe.
• I believe that statements I make about myself, whether positive or negative become true or truer. I am a good person. I am smart. I am fat. I am a bad driver. I can’t do it. I can do it. Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you are right.
• I believe I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy. And I am. And I believe you are too. Magnificent. Beautiful.
• I know that I will continue to learn and grow.
• I greet each day with happiness and gratitude. With my arms wide open.